Saturday, February 6, 2010

slowly loosing out...

My circle of friends at school were worried about the way I was going out and not turning up to school. I did come to school though, I would attend the last two periods and they were both frees, just to make my family think that I was still going to school.

To everyone else the internet meant meeting people and catching up with the friends that they knew. To me...I was living on it! I was on there day and night but for some reason I never thought that I was on it much. This was also the place that I started to know more about the dance parties, house parties and every single party you could think of was on my to do list. Underage parties was the 'in' thing. Everyone knew everyone from the chat sites and everyone met up with everyone at these parties. At first my close friend from school would join me at these events but slowly as school got more important, she managed to discipline herself, whereas me... I didn't stop.

My cousin started to join me and from there on we met new people at every single one of these parties. On one occasion a certain group of guys stood out to me and eventually I found out that they lived in the same area as me and knew the same friends as me. These boys eventually became very close friends and from there on I trusted them to be with me as I went through my adventure of fun.

Eventually my friends at school had given up on me and we started to drift apart. I didn't listen to them and even if I said I did I knew deep down inside I wasn't prepared to stop going out. My mum was really worried about the way I was turning out and in a way I knew she had sort of given up as well because I had turned the tables around and she would let me go out when I wanted to as long as I came home or called her to let her know what was going on, which I did in most cases but every time I knew I was suppose to call her I didn't because I was soo scared to hear them yell at me.

One time that I missed the train to get home and ended up staying out all night was all it took for my brother to loose control and loose his temper at me. The next day I left home leaving a selfish note to my mum telling her that I needed time away and not to worry (was I kidding myself? telling a mother not to worry about their kid that was going somewhere and with some people she didn't know), all I did was go to my friends Jack's place and stayed there with him and his friends. Jack was from the group of guys that i got really close to. I thought to myself I'm soo glad to have these friends but little did I know that I was going to see a whole new world...a whole new lifestyle that your warned about since your young...a whole new way of seeing people....


As young as I can remember I loved school and always dreamt of going to university, but things changed when I was in year 10. I remember the internet as a new thing, the days when we had dial up were the most interesting and exciting. It was a new haven to meet people from far and close by. Going to an all girl school meant that guys were a big NO to my family.... no guys allowed to call (back in those days we didn't have mobile phones yet), no guys allowed to come visit, no guys names in diary...just as long as there was nothing to do with guys then my family would be happy.
My older brother was like my father, totally opposite to what I was! So there was always a massive pressure for me to do because we were the 'good kids' out of our circle of cousins and family friends.
I honestly couldn't tell you why I changed so much when I hit year 10 but without excuses it all came down to one thing...FUN!